Give Mum a real treat this Mother’s Day with something from Sweet Treats. Buy the finest brands of local and imported chocolates, as well as Sweet Treats’ own brand of heavily discounted Mother’s Day chocolate eggs and bunnies!

Enjoy our special Mother’s Day deal from Secret Desire lingerie. Two FREE psychologist sessions for any customer buying lingerie for their mother.

We apologise for our ANZAC Day dawn service not beginning until 10:30 this morning. And on further reflection, Big Al’s Bar & Nightclub was probably not the best location to hold it. We apologise once again to anyone who was offended.

Did you have a good Easter? We certainly did, and at Baypoint 50% of our stores that chose to take only a four-day break are back open today!

We apologise to anyone who was offended while visiting our Easter Egg Hunt Village. Our Easter Bunny shouldn’t have been asking anyone, let along young women, inappropriate questions about eggs!

Letting all our customers know that Baypoint has Afterpay! You’ll receive what you bought “after” you “pay!”

Happy Hunger Games! To celebrate the release of Sunrise on the Reaping, Books With Words are offering one lucky customer the chance to win fabulous prizes at our launch party, including signed first editions, store vouchers, and other swag! (23 unlucky customers will unfortunately be killed.)

A very big thank you to all customers who participated in this morning’s fire drill and evacuated the centre in a timely and orderly manner. Apologies to those customers who were later forced to evacuate a second time, when an actual fire broke out.

Wishing all of our customers a Happy St Patrick’s Day today! The escaped snakes reported loose in the Food Court have been rounded up and safely returned to Pet Noises.

Hungry? Why not take a break from shopping and visit our Food Court, where at ‘Wichez, the green bread was not intended to be a ‘Wicked’ tie-in.

We regret to inform customers that Pit Lane automotive remains closed until further notice, after management gambled away the deeds to the store in a drag race with managers from three other stores.

At Baypoint, we welcome emotional support animals. A third of our staff already use them!

We’re open for trading! Despite the Labour Day public holiday, all our staff are working extra shifts today in order to provide you with the public holiday shopping experience you deserve.

Happy International Women’s Day from everyone at Baypoint Shopping Centre. We believe women are an indispensable part of our society and to mark this occasion, The Cook’s Nook are offering 50% off all kitchen appliances for today only!

Oscar winner Bong Joon-ho is back at the Baypoint Twin Cinema with his latest social critique! Unfortunately, all sessions of ‘Mickey 17’ have sold out, but there are plenty of seats available for ‘Donald 47’ (Tickets will be subject to a 25% surcharge.)

DIY Warehouse once again reminds customers not to test power tools in store. Fortunately, the paramedics were able to arrive on the scene quickly, and the customer is expected to eventually regain full use of his arm. Good job, guys!

The #AFL season is almost upon us, and you can get in the footy season spirit at Balls And All sporting goods, where for the next week, all team merchandise is 20% off and now has team names spelt correctly!

A reminder to customers that this is the final day of Pet Noises’s “Exotic Aquatics” sale. Don’t be too disappointed if you miss out though, as from tomorrow all leftover stock will be available for sale at the Baypoint Fresh Food & Market.

Customers should be advised the toilets on Level 1 will be closed today due to scheduled maintenance. Customers should also avoid using the toilets in the Food Court, as they are generally disgusting.

A reminder that in addition to visiting the Centre, you can shop online for products from all of our stores. (Except ASL Computing, whose link to our online portal has been inexplicably down for the past three weeks.)

Royal Suits wishes to reassure confused customers that their lounge suits can, in fact, be worn in other rooms of the house.

🚨 CONSUMER WARNING! 🚨 Even if they sound official, anyone asking you to pay a tax debt using Baypoint gift cards is a scam artist. Furthermore, anyone in the centre offering to sell you Baypoint gift cards is also most likely trying to scam you.

Customers should be advised our Parents Room is for people who are already parents, not for young couples who are actively trying.

The main entrance to the centre remains closed following this morning’s attempted ram raid. All the rams now have been rounded up and returned to their farms, however customers are encouraged to use one of the side entrances.

Hungry? Why not take a break from shopping and visit our food court, where Little Chicken guarantees its “chicken” will remain, now and forever, 100% bird flu free.

Now hiring: Would you describe your style as “fresh”? Your attitude as “fly”? Your work ethic as “even slightly above-average”? Contact The Sneakeasy for an exciting opportunity!

Got the Snip is now offering senior citizen haircuts for a low $10! However, customers should be aware the senior citizen’s hands do shake uncontrollably and no refunds will be offered.

Forgot to book a restaurant for tonight? At Baypoint we can help you out with our temporary “Dinner for Two” experience, with the finest food we have to offer. Get in quick though, as the Food Court is busy and tables are limited!

Happy Valentine’s Day from everyone at Baypoint, where we’ve all got the romantic spirit. Except for Phil from DIY Warehouse, whose wife left him unexpectedly two days ago. Good to see you soldiering on though, Phil. Stay away from the power tools today!

Looking to really spoil your partner this Valentine’s Day? Get her something from Forever jewellery, where the Forever durability guarantee ensures the jewellery will outlast your relationship!

Fellas, pamper your lady this Valentine’s Day with something from Sometimes A Great Lotion, where their bath bombs now contain significantly less explosive material.

Men, looking to get your lady in the mood this Valentine’s Day? Visit Secret Desire lingerie for all your romantic evening needs. Where the staff will make shopping for your partner a pleasurable experience, and won’t ridicule your decision to buy her lingerie to your face.

When we said “Everyone’s taking the day off work to watch #SuperBowlLIX” we didn’t realise that “everyone” would also include the entire staff of Big Al’s Sports Bar & Nightclub, where their Super Bowl Monday All-American shindig has now been cancelled.

While shopping why not leave your car at Suds Ahoy for their guaranteed four stage car cleaning. Their expert staff will wash the exterior, detail the interior, steam clean the carpets, and remove most of the fast food wrappers they leave behind.

Hungry? Why not take a break from shopping and visit our food court, where every tenth juice you purchase through Agent Orange’s loyalty program will have your name spelt correctly on the cup!

We’d like to take this opportunity to remind our customers of Baypoint’s Click & Collect policy: If anyone knows what’s causing that click, please come and collect it.

PRODUCT RECALL: Home & Castle wishes to advise customers they are recalling their range of collapsible sofa beds, collapsible outdoor furniture, and collapsible tall shelving units.

Whoops! We’re sorry for the mistake in our last post. It should have read “All the name brands are available at Pauline’s Boutique” and not “all the lame brands.” We apologise once again for the error.

A reminder from Books With Words that their restricted section is off limits to people under 18, pregnant women, and the devoutly religious.

Tired after a long session of shopping? Why not relax at Baypoint Thai Massage, where you’ll be guaranteed a “happy ending” (no-one will steal your wallet.)

Following scheduled maintenance, Baypoint’s Summer School Holiday Kids Fun Zone is now open!

A reminder that Collars & Cuffs is a menswear store. Apologies to those customers who came in expecting something different.

Hungry? Why not take a break from shopping and visit our food court, where Gonuts For Donuts is today offering its Jam & Cream combination for only $1! (Donut sold separately.)

To anyone driving in tonight for Gamer’s Basement’s regular Monopoly tournament, just a reminder that Baypoint doesn’t offer free parking.

This Australia Day, we wish to acknowledge the traditional owners of the land: Baypoint Chemical Waste Storage.

Happy Australia Day long weekend! Baypoint Shopping Centre is the one-stop shop for all your fair dinkum, true blue, all-Aussie merchandise from only the finest Chinese manufacturers. Oi oi oi!

Following this morning’s minor mishap, we will no longer be incorporating live animals in Baypoint’s Lunar New Year celebrations. Once the temporarily misplaced snakes are located, they will be returned to Pet Noises and placed back on sale.

At the Baypoint Fresh Food & Grocery Market, we agree that it’s far too early in the year to be selling hot cross buns. However, Christmas turkeys are now on sale.

A reminder to customers that the staff of Secret Desire lingerie will not model the lingerie for you outside of the VIP area.

Hungry? Why not take a break from shopping and visit our food court, where Redneck Ribs American BBQ is under new management! However, contrary to recent reports, Greens Land vegan cafe remains under its current ownership structure.